Happy Groundhog Day!

Or at least that is what it seems like around here. Same day...slight differences. And also? No plucky comic relief from Bill Murray. I am not even learning to play the piano. I am, however, waking up every morning to get my coffee (cuz I am not human without it) and this morning? I managed to aim for the trash can with yesterday's grounds and completely miss and get it all over the floor. Dammit Bill! Where are you? Or at least Phil? Anyone? Hellooooo?

So after that was cleaned and the coffee pot was cleaned and the chocolate coffee was brewing I started my day...well...kinda. I was intercepted by the FCB before I had even the first drop of the sweet nectar and he was all nag, nag, nag, nag, nag, what's up with the full body hives the size of half-dollars? Oh..and nag. He should know better. I am unbridled evil before I get my caffeine. I just think he wants to die at this point.

"I don't know why I am covered in hives," I whined. "It must be something I am having an allergic reaction to."

"That looks painful. You should do something about that," he nagged.

"Grumble, grumble, grumble, where the fuck is a baseball bat when you need one, grumble grumble, isn't that damn coffee done yet, grumble."

So same day (been sick with the plague that the nieces blessed me with for days) and for all that I was itchy for the last few days now I am all hive-y and look like hell. With coffee grounds stuck to my feet. That I am randomly spreading throughout the house. Much to the chagrin of the FCB neat freak. (hehe) So hopefully I will get this day right eventually so I can start on tomorrow. Cuz that would rock my Croc socks off!

Couple of highlights that have made this week different, was a double doctor visit yesterday. Punk had her annual physical yesterday morning and she was such an uncommonly good girl for that, and then we went to have a sonogram of her kidneys in the afternoon. That was interesting. She was behaving so well it made me think I had accidentally brought the wrong child home from Disney. The tech told her to lay down on the table and that I needed to help her. She was already on the table by the time the tech finished her sentence. Then the tech said she needed to put some warm jelly on Punk's tummy. Punk yanks her shirt up and points to her belly button and says, "Here's where you put the glue!"

The tech started the sonogram with the bladder. Punk was was all, "Can I see? Can I see inside my body? Please? I want to see inside my body!" The tech turned the monitor and showed Punk her full bladder. Told her that was where the pee-pee was hiding.

To a five year old that thinks hide and seek is the bestest game EVER!! this was just the right thing for that woman to tell my daughter. A subsequent scan of Punk's kidneys and a description that those were the pee-pee factory and the bladder was the hiding place where the pee-pee hides before it come out to go home to the potty got my daughter all giddy with excitement that she was seeing inside her body and now knew the secret hiding place of the sacred peeps.

This was the conversation that followed. For the rest of the evening.

"Mommy? Did you see my body? Did you see inside my body? I got glue on my tummy. I know where the peeps are hiding Mommy! Do you like my bracelet? (Hospital band) I like my bracelet. It's white. Peeps are yellow. Did you see my pee-pee in my body? I feel all better now. Are you going to the doctor next, Mommy? Can we see inside your tummy? Hey tummy? I know you are hiding my peeps. Can my peeps come out now? (All the while having this discussion with her bellybutton.) Mommy? I think I got glue on my back. Mommy? Am I going to stick to things now? That glue was warm. My body is AWESOME! Did you see inside my body? I got a factory in there. The peeps are hiding in there. Do you think they want to come out, Mommy? I gotta go potty. (SO GO!) Look, look! Mommy? I went peeps! They aren't hiding anymore! Do you think the factory is going to make more peeps? I want to see in my body again. Can we go see in my body again? ($$$) I want to get glued again. That was fun. Just no more shots, OK? Mommy? The next time you can get the shots. I love my bracelet. I love my body. I love you, Mommy. I love my factory. I love my peeps. I love my potty. Can we do it again tomorrow, Mommy?"

Uh, yeah. Tomorrow. Can't wait.

Are you just here for the cake?

Cuz my stats went through the roof after I posted some cake. No wonder CakeWrecks gets so much traffic. The cake must be addictive or a controlled substance or something. You guys need to admit when you have a problem. Trust me, it's for the best.

I will get around to posting about my birthday Disney trip. I just need to get in a better mood before I do so it doesn't come out all bitter and vile. Let's just say for now, the highlight of my birthday was the trash can that serenaded Happy Birthday to me after I fed it a Mountain Dew bottle. But if you are looking for a great Disney story, go check out my bloggy friend Johnny Virgil. It seems there are things about fruit bats that I didn't know and was pretty much OK with not ever knowing.

I got lots of facebook love on my BD but not the first single phone call. From anyone. I am working through my feelings on that. I have already talked to one friend, and you know who you are, and we are all cool. But to the other friend? If I treated you the way you have been treating me lately? We most assuredly wouldn't be friends. Isn't it great that I am so forgiving and such a doormat that I lay there and take it? Just letting you know ahead of time that the day will come when you will need me to be at your beck and call and I won't be. That day will be very soon. Consider yourself bitten.

Sorry you had to read that but I had to get that out. My blog. My soapbox. My feelings. I'm done.

To top it all off in the news department on the home front, FCB emptied my Coke bottle piggy bank while I was gone and threw it away. He then banked all the money save for 5 bucks for my 5 year old. He then paid HIS bills with it. I discovered this last night. I was upset. He said he thought the Coke bottle belonged to him. I told him he knew damn well that it didn't and that he just stole from me. He called me many a choice name and then told me to get out of his sight. Since I caught some germs from my family and I wasn't feeling well anyway I went to bed. I awoke to him making me breakfast. That was his apology. Then his sister called to tell us that FCB's mother, the grandmother to my child, is in the hospital with walking pneumonia. She has also stopped eating. She is giving up and trying to die. I have nothing against the woman, and have tried for years to get her to like me, and for that matter, my child. She thinks I am the reason her son hates his sister. Nothing is going to change her mind about that. I hope she doesn't die and I hope she gets better, because FCB only lost his dad less than 5 years ago and I don't think he is going to be able to handle the loss of his mom. I don't want anyone in my family to get hurt or be sad. But unfortunately, I have no control over life and death.

So that is what is happening on the Persnickety front. Not everything, but those are the highlights. Don't even ask me about the lowlights. I promise to find my funny and share it with you guys when I find it. Let's hope those damn dust bunnies didn't run off with it cuz I am just too damn scared of the dark to go after it in that instance.

Heeeeere's CAKE!

You guys asked to see it when I was done. I have to admit it was the first time I used fondant and it is marshmallow fondant at that. I tasted it. It tasted great. I colored it and tasted it. Still good. I attempted to gently ease it over the top of the cake. OH-FOR-THE-LOVE-OF-ALL-THAT-IS-SUGARY-AND-COMPLICATED!! I messed up. I scraped frosting off and tried again. And again. It was definitely a lesson in patience. But, I can honestly say, even though it took me a lot longer than I thought it would and now I am late with everything else including getting packed to leave, I am very pleased with what I made.







*And on a side note any persons that might be reading this blog and don't like my humorous bent on things or don't like what they see? You can kiss my fat drunkaholic heart attack!



Thank you, now back to your regularly scheduled sugar coma.

Friendds don't let freends drog blunk!

Cuz I am baking a cake and and have dranken a whole damn doodle bottle of Arbor Mist Sangria and am trying to pack for disney while talking on the phone with Feisty and I had this whole schpeeel about how absolutely fuked my Mondat was going and how it is a conspiracy between the evol funnel cake, the dust bunnies under my bed, the clowns in my closet and the bra manufacturers but oops...there goes my cake and holed on a minute....I am so kicking Duncan Crocker's ass right now!!

And so anyway...where was I? Oh yeah so I had this whole thing planned out to blog and then I started drinking and yall should be lucky that you getting at least this and I was going to be so funny that yous guys was going to pee your pants and then I started drinking and baking and droging blunk and OOOOOHHH look a kitty!!

A little visual to help me feel better and for you to mock.

Me and the BFF at the happiest place on Earth. She was cold. And still a little woogie from the teacups. I was trying my best to imitate Buddha. Or Tweedle Dum. Or Tweedle Dee. Or Baloo the Bear. Or Dumbo's Mommy. Or just insert any large Disney character ____ here.

Cause don't I just look ANIMATED?

We look like we are about to get mugged or hugged or whatever by the rodent shaped shrubbery.

Cause we just rock out loud like that.

Oy! What a day!!

It has turned out to be a gut wrenching, heart wrenching, and mind wrenching day. To start off the day on a positive note, Punk had a dry diaper when she got up this morning. The bad part is, we woke up late and had only eight minutes to get ready before the bus showed up. Then off to school she went. I was planning on going back to sleep since I have not stopped running around like a headless chicken since Monday. No such luck. I got a phone call from a friend that wanted to chitchat since they hadn't talked to me a little while. We talked for over an hour before said friend dropped a little tidbit of earth shattering news. Friend's explanation for holding back on the "big news" was because they were waiting for me to get fully awake and for my coffee to kick in. Well I was REALLY awake at that point.

I decided not to let the day go to waste by getting a jump start on next week's birthday cake. I set about the task of making a marshmallow fondant for the first time ever. What an experience that was! Hopefully it will turn out OK. In any case, I tasted the stuff and it tastes way less like ass-glue than the other stuff sold by the "official cake making product supplying company". I have an idea to copy a Mickey Mouse cake I saw when I Googled Mickey Mouse Cake. I am just going to make it a little different so that I can post pictures of it and not get sued by some random person somewhere.

While I am up to my elbows in marshmallow and Crisco my daughter's teacher called. She said that Punk's belly was really distended and that she had not peed all day. She was calling for advice as well as to tell me that my daughter is now a "toucher" in the sense that she has discovered her nether regions and thinks it is the coolest new toy! I told the teacher to relay the message to the Punk to stop touching and told her to slap a diaper on the Punk and that should make her pee in a heartbeat. They sent my child home with a diaper on and panties over top of them. Dry. She was running a fever and was very potbellied when she got home. FCB took her for a little bike ride to the mailbox down the street to see if that would get her bladder working while I called the pediatrician. The ped. said bring her in right away. I got ready to go and when Punk walked in the door, she had peed the diaper. I took it off and within minutes she had started peeing her pants but managed to get her pants off and get about half of it in the potty. Yay!

Off to the doctor we went. By this time, my lack of sleep/heart condition was catching up to me and I was trying really hard to get a migraine to go along nicely with my anxiety/heart attack. We got to see the same doc that saw my sister's newest baby and discovered the heart problem. He is a rock star in my family's opinion right now. He is concerned. So what does any concerned doctor do? Order a gazillionumpteen tests PLUS a sonogram and put her on a laxative while referring us to a bankbreaking amount of specialists. Woo. Oh yeah...and hoo. Potty training on a laxative. This ought to be a buttpuckering ball of giggles.

He perused her chart and asked me when I started potty training her. FCB says "last week" at the same time I blurt out "three years ago" and the doc gives us the most confuzzled of looks. He said according to her chart we had been at it for years. I agreed. He said at this point not only is it a behavioral issue, it might just be a medical one at that.

Stoooopid me for breathing a slight sigh of hopefulness that our life of medical misery might just be behind us. *facedesk*

Because of all the "potty drama" I missed my appointment to go sign my will. As if my life weren't so slightly complicated enough. So that's my day. I've already started drinking. If I already feel like I have the worst hangover in my life I might as well start trying to earn it in reverse.

Imma go cry now.

We have a threePEEter!!

The amazing Punkadoodle and her bladder of steel has managed to go pee on the potty 3 times! While this not may be earth shattering news, she is staying dry all day at school. Not going on the potty there, but holding it ALL DAY until she gets home and just makes a mad dash to the potty and just Hoover Dams it all everywhere. Then she get soooo excited because she just went and she is such a big girl and then starts the whole "Superbowl of pee" party all over again. She is starting to get a little impatient that I haven't whisked her away to Disney World. I keep telling her the countdown is ongoing and a week will be over before she knows it...meanwhile...a week will be over before I know it and I have sooooo much to do before I go play in Disney for my birthday.

Just thought I would pop in an update of what was going on. I realize the majority of you are probably tired of bodily function updates, and for that I sincerely apologize. But other than a harrowing adventure over to the westside of the town I live in to return a gift to my sister, where I encountered an unending plethora of mindless zombies that have been taking driving lessons from my wombatshit crazy mother all the while having to listen to the local radio station replay the Beyonce "Single Ladies" song over and over again at what seemed to be 10 minute intervals (that bitch rubs me wrong like a sandpaper thong) of which all I survived mostly unscathed, all is quiet here on the Persnickety front.

I am baking a cake for my sister's birthday and going to experiment with marshmallow fondant. This should be interesting. Sticky but interesting. I promise to take pictures when I am done. Still waiting to give Feisty the honors of posting about her birthday first before I spill my rendition of what happened here. So go bug her. I got a bunch of funny shit just swimming around in my head looking for a way to get out.