I'm Alive!

I am healthy! Got a new heart/liposuction/boob job! I won the lottery! I found the man/woman/house/vehicle of my dreams! I have absolutely no debt! I am infinitely talented beyond my wildest dreams! My entire family is living in harmony and getting along completely! My daughter not only learned potty training, but earned the Nobel peace prize, graduated from medical school/law school/Julliard, won an Oscar, Emmy, Tony and Golden Globe! I have no uncompleted projects! I now wear a size seven shoe! I own an island in the Caribbean! It is completely stocked with hot men wearing fully filled out thongs that are waiting with baited breath to please me in any way! I have a personal bartender that keeps me happy in MANY ways! I can mete out justice to all criminals, especially child abusers, with a snap of my fingers! Hollywood hotshots are all clamoring to do a movie about my life story! Publishers everywhere are throwing themselves at me wanting to make every word that comes out of my blog/mouth into a bestseller! I AM THE AMERICAN IDOL! I am being knighted next week by Her Majesty Queen of England! Hugh Grant/Laurie want to have my children! (I have a thing for the Hughs...don't hate.) I have been asked to be the next President of the USA! I have not so politely declined...heehee. I have millions of readers that visit my blog everyday! I alone have mastered bringing world peace to the um...whole...well...earth. Yeah! Religions have started worshiping me and erecting churches in my name...unfortunately, the churches are spontaneously combusting before they can be finished. The good news about this is some random physicist has discovered that the leftover fumes can fuel any model vehicle indefinitely. Peeps worldwide in my now peacey planet are all jumping for joy and chanting my name! TICKER-TICKER-TICKER!


*None of this has actually happened. But lately when people have been asking how my life is going or how I am feeling, it seems like all I can say is boring, bad, depressing, tragedy queen stuff. I swear it has just been an off year. I am hoping it will get better. PLEASE let it get better.....