Ding Dong. I got a delivery of random. Can you sign?

I want a love like they sang about in the 70's.

I want Fate, Destiny and Irony to get off their collective asses and do something different than make me the butt of all their jokes.

If I must be such a doormat I would rather not be such a wide one.

I would love it if the majority of the male population would wake up and realize that there is more to life than porn.

And no I don't want to watch you jack off on your web cam, thanks. I had other plans on how to waste my time.

I wish I had more of an impact on people's lives.

I wish someone would fall madly in love with me and suffer endlessly if they couldn't be with me....no wait...that's what I keep going through...again and again and again....

As a friend of mine used to say..."You wouldn't know what crazy was if Charles Manson was eating Fruit Loops on your front porch."
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And the reason for all this random and crazy today? I found out today that the "love of my life" and "possible DNA donor" of my child is now single again.

You may remember me mentioning that his girlfriend had cancer and that he wanted to break up with her. Well it seems he awoke this morning to movers knocking on the door to collect all her worldly belongings. She left him today. And took the cat.

His first reaction to this stunning news?

Emailing me.

Seems he is trying to play that "I need a friend" card which also translates into "I want a celebratory roll in the sack." He then started begging me to call.

What can I say....I blame the plethora of cold meds and pain killers....

I called. Machine answered. He was at the liquor store. AT 11am. She was there collecting the cat and anything else she thought she might have left behind. She heard the whole message I so stupidly left. She tore him a new one when he got home. He is steadily drowning himself in his sorrows/bottle.

The biggest part of me....is completely drowning in mucus. There is a little part of me that wants to run to him and comfort him. (I am an enabler. I'm aware of it. No hate mail please.)

He has sent me 24 emails so far today...and they just keep coming. His grammar, capitalization and punctuation are declining with each email. He is drunk. I am sick. Eh...timing's a bitch like that.

So that concludes this chapter of the insane train wreck that is my life. Stayed tuned to see how many bodies get pulled out of the wreckage....

Oh look...A hot dog vendor just pulled up to exploit the crowds...yay.