Because those wonderful little bite-sized edible orgasms in a wrapper are the best fucking things ever invented!
Oh, and mad props go to the folks that thought up the concept of letting your freak flag fly and dressing up to go relieve your neighbors of all their candy. Awesome.
So been a little busty...er busy. (typo. left it. made me giggle.)
There was Punk's surgery a couple of weeks ago to remove some teeth. Then we had to party like it was her birthday (it was) in Disney last Tuesday. Best moment of the day? I was watching littlest niece while family trudged through the Swiss Family Robinson Treehouse. I was sitting in my fart cart watching the camel at the Carpet Ride not so randomly spit on people. Not so random, you say Persnickety? Why yes! Yes I said that!
Case in point. A man was yelling at his little boy while his wife walked a couple of paces behind pouting. The whole family looked miserable as shit. This guy was just going at the boy and berating him when all the sudden....
CAMEL SPIT! RIGHT IN THE FACE! BULLSEYE!
I want THAT job. The job where you get to sit in a little booth somewhere with a little red button to squirt all the assholes at Disney. Dream job.
Said asshole was PISSED. He started ranting about how disgusting this and that and sue Disney this and that and blah blah whine blah.
We had a great day. Only sad thing? No pass renewal. FCB told me I was going to be able to re-up my seasonal passes and then called me halfway through the day to tell me I couldn't. Asshole. I swear on my own grave I will have those passes by Thanksgiving even if I have to go out hooking with a sign that says will laugh at your dick for Disney passes.
Lots going on today. Epic battle with Social Security and their phone system. Post office, therapy, grocery store...the usual supermom stuff.
Just thought I would dash off a quick update to let you all know I wasn't dead or lost forever in Disney (I wish!)
Do you ever get so busy that you never have time to write? Or do you ever have so much to write that you dread sitting down to do it because there is just so much to put out there and you don't know if one blog can hold it all or even if your readers would want to hear it because it isn't all coated in a warm chocolaty layer of snark? Or are you just to damn addicted to Facebook to click over to blogger and bang out a post because there are virtual crops to harvest and high scores to beat in Bejeweled?
I leave it up to you to decide which one of those excuses will serve purpose enough for you my dear readers.
Although, I have to admit, Facebook has it's perks besides being a time wasting sucking vortex of unproductivity. I can whip out a sarcastic comment several times a day that has nothing to do with anything and I don't have to worry about weaving a blog post around it. Hell, I don't even have to worry so much about spelling and grammar and blogger's wonky spellcheck that thinks words like WONKY don't exist.
Excuse me a moment while I go on a booger excavating mission for my Punk. She comes to me with a flashlight and a hankie and expects me to work miracles.
OK. Back now. And thoroughly washed my hands up to my armpits. Can't be too careful with all that yuck floating around in the world today.
So the reason for the title of the post is because it was FCB's (That's Fat Cranky Bastard to any new people out there. Oh, and Punk is my 5 year old daughter. Soon to be 6 though.) birthday on Friday. We went to Disney. He got a cupcake from the Prime Time Cafe in Hollywood Studios. He came home and said he still needed a WHOLE CAKE to celebrate. Oink. I went to the bakery today and picked out the cake, and when the nice lady asked if I wanted anything written on it, I asked for "Happy Birthday Asshole!" She told me they aren't allowed to write swear words and besides, it wouldn't all fit on there anyway. So I asked if we could just skip the Happy Birthday. She wasn't amused. I then asked if I could hold the icing bag. She wouldn't let me do that either. Harumph. Evil bakery hoitytoity stickler for the rules...
FCB has been on a roll lately with the assholiness of his attitude. Excuse me a moment again while we have yet another argument. OK. Done. Still think it should be legal to stab people with a spork and then tenderize them with an aluminum baseball bat (chink!) before feeding them to all the starving rabid wild animals that have lost their homes to deforestation.
Ahem. Where was I?
So life has been blogerific here. Lots to write about. Yet I haven't cranked out a post in a while. I figure one post this week alone will just be pictures of all the shit I have been taking pictures of and promising myself to put on the blog. Don't go all cardiac arrest on me dear followers, but I plan on posting more than once this week. I know. Shocking. Maybe even a little pshaw of disbelief. But it's true. Lots to get off my chesticular area, and what better place that this blog that I set up so long ago to do just that with.
This post was just a warning of posts to come. I actually have to cut it short because I am getting yelled at that there are people in this house that need to eat to survive (the nerve!) and it seems I am the only one that knows how to turn on the stove or open the refrigerator and actually remove the edible stuff inside. So farewell for now you lovely people that are actually still coming to read this blog and haven't given up on me. I really appreciate you. I should get you guys a cake or something.
I promise not to write and swear words on it when I do. (Well, at least not any legible ones.)
All the snarky goodness, none of the extra calories! My name is Leigh and I'm a heart patient, Mom, stubborn as all get out sarcastic smart-ass, and generally just a bright little F*ing ray of sunshine. Welcome! Hope your brain doesn't leak out of your ears from reading this!