Wednesday, May 20, 2009

We're off to dump the parents. Who knew dead people could swim?

Yep, that's right. Off to a little mini-vacation to dispose of the FCBMom and FCBDad. I am going to be stuck in a condo with FCB and FCBSis for 3 days. We are dumping the ashes in the ocean per request of the dead people. I guess they wanted to have a swimmingly good time in the afterlife.
The good news is there will be lots of this and this

and this.... And I get to spend some quality pool time with the Punk.

The bad news is...I will more than likely have to do all the cooking and cleaning and not get to watch what I want to watch on TV. Eh. Because did I mention?

So worth putting up with the FCB clan.

In trying to book this little mini vacation, FCB called the hotel directly to get the best rate. The guy on the phone, named Patrick, quoted him a price of $430+. Frustrated, FCB handed me the phone and said, "do what you do."

At least he has lived with me long enough to know that I can talk a man dying of thirst out of his last glass of water.

So I got on the phone and said, "Patrick, my good man, what can you do for me? We stayed there about a year ago and had an absolutely wonderful time. It was lovely. Coincidentally, while we were there, they had a little funeral service by the pool that was then moved down to the private beach where they scattered the remains. It was lovely. We are going to be there in your area disposing of 'Mom and Dad' and we want to stay there with you to make it all as pleasant a memory as possible. Now, when we stayed there, we just had the one deluxe room with kitchen, but as we are going to have more people with us this time, we need a little more space. What do you have?"

He then told me that they had a 2 bedroom or a 1 bedroom suite with a pull out couch. Thinking about our wallet and the fact that the FCBSis is cheap and more than likely not going to throw in, I asked about the 1 bedroom suite with the pull out. He quoted me a price.

"Patrick, (heavy sigh) I understand that you must charge a certain rate for each room. I get that. But we are GRIEVING. Are you aware of how much it costs to just BBQ a person now-a-days? Seriously. Give me a break here. When we were there last year, we only paid $160 a night. How close can you get me to that price? Preferably on the lower side of that price. Come on...make my day, here."

He then told me since prices are up from last year, the room we had last year would be $167 this year. He hemmed and hawed a bit and then said he could let me have the one bedroom with the pull out for that price.

To which I replied, "Patrick, I love you and I want to bear your children!"

He laughed and said that was really sweet of me, but that he batted for the other team.

So we got the room for cheap...well...cheaper than $400+ a night. That and I am so going to try to hunt down Patrick when I get there for some more laughs and good conversation. You can never have too many gay friends.

So, I am off to enjoy some of while escaping a whole bunch of hopefully.

Don't hate.


Persnickety Ticker said...

And....sadly no one is reading my blog anymore. I blame myself. Really. It's the erratic posting.

But I can't help it. Packing takes alot out of me. Moving takes alot out of me. Not using an aluminum baseball bat on FCB's head takes alot out of me.

But for giggles? In the last five days people have found my blog by googling "Ticker-Pee", "Am I in a coma?" and "Allergic to clothes".

Wow...and you folks aren't commenting? What? Am I not what you were looking for? Come on! If you are looking for things like that you gotta have someting great to contribute! Speak up!

Busy Bee Suz said...

Hey there, your blog is not showing up in my reader...not sure why. I am sorry!!
I am really immpressed that you talked Patrick down...great skills to have and yes, we can never have too many gay friends.
I hope your trip is MORE pleasant than you are anticipating.
Take care, suz

One Reader said...

So going to enjoy some beachy scenes eh? Did your toes in the sand for me would ya? Also I would just like to mention that moving sucks and the fact that you found the time to post at all means you have more fortitude than I.

Plus - word vert - fartioni - I can't think of the fart joke there, but I know there is one.

ChiTown Girl said...

I don't know what the heck is going on, but like Suz said, you weren't showing up :( I figured you were just too busy packing and moving to post right now.

Great job with Patrick. I'll be calling you to book my next trip. You can be my personal travel agent!! Your commission can be joining us on the trip!!

Chantelle said...

I hope that you have a wonderful trip, even if it isn't for the greatest of circumstances! once you're settled into the new place, I think we need to meet up and let the kids play at some random park, if you feel the need to disclose your location to me ;)

Feisty Irish Wench said...

Just keep swimming, swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming! carried away there

The Girl Next Door said...

Brilliant. totally Brilliant.

And I haven't been reading ANYONE's blogs for so long I don't know why anyone reads mine! Sorry!