Wednesday, August 26, 2009


So I get the phone call today from Punk's new school. I am conflicted about how I feel about it. On the one hand I an glad that it seems someone finally woke up and read her registration, on the other hand, they have yanked her out of a mainstream class and plopped her right back into a special needs class. A.R.G.H.

It seems someone saw me crying hysterically in my minivan after I went to orientation on the wrong day last week. I was told Friday. Kindergarten orientation was Thurs. I was the only parent in the random class that they placed my child in that didn't show up on the right day. I showed up on the day the front office told me was the day to show up when I had registered her the week prior. A.R.G.H.

The nice lady on the phone started every other sentence with, "I heard a rumor..."

I wasn't very good at the high school games in high school. I sucked at playing Telephone in the third grade. I have been plucked out of Normalville and dropped-kicked into Creepy-Assed-Stepford-Yuppyville-Where-Everyone-Repeats-Every-Single-Move/Word/Shit-You-Take-And-Discusses/Evaluates-It-At-Length. (Just for the record the Post Office officially groans when they see that addressed on an envelope. They don't fucking like to venture out here, anyway. These folks bite, y'all.)

So I have to go into the school tomorrow to straighten out all the misunderstandings (theirs) and help to get my child situated into the correct learning environment. (Did y'all just hear that creepy voice chanting "homeschool"? No? Just me then? Alrighty.)

This should be interesting since they have very strict rules about where you are allowed to drive and park when it comes to dropping your kid off. They would like you to toss them out of the side of a rolling SUV to help streamline things. Or better yet, it you live less than 5 miles from the school, "We encourage parents to walk or bike ride with their children to school to help in the pick up/drop off process. This will cut down on automobile traffic and help our kids get healthier!" Yeah, I see the reasoning in that. Or here's a thought, Muffy! Stop driving your huge-assed SUV that sucks the planet dry of resources to a school that you know you aren't zoned for but you lied on your registration so that your kid could go to the "right" school anyway and you just have to have a vehicle that big when there is only your 5 foot tall ass and your snotty little 10 year old fucktard that told me in the hallway at orientation that I should "Move it, fat-ass!" before he jaunted off down the hallway proclaiming that, "people that wide shouldn't be allowed in the building."

Ooops. I seem to have gotten carried away there. (True story, though. Got called a fat-ass. Just another little push over the edge that had me bawling in the minivan last Friday that is now the talk of the neighborhood this week because these people have nothing better to do or are all out of their little prescriptions that make them normal or some shit....ahem. Sorry. Got carried away again.)

So. What's up with your Wed-Nes-Day? Wanna come help me unpack? I have to find some "normal" clothes to go to this meeting in tomorrow. FCB has forbodden me from shaving my head into a mohawk and dying it purple. I am resisting the temptation to put my nose ring in. Think I could find a tattoo shop close by that would stamp me with Yuppyville Sucks? I miss my friends. They are nice "real" people that don't judge. One of them is off pregnant somewhere about to give birth, another is trying to earn a living in Orlando. Yet another "friend" that I haven't met yet but I have a suspicion lives close by, thinks her 2 year old will tear up my house...I say anything he can do would be an improvement at this point.

I need a drink. I need some of my "normal". I am tired of this move already. I want a pool in the backyard. Oh, and a hot pool boy wearing a thong and holding a tray with a fruity tropical drink and a check for 10 million dollars. Yeah...that would hit the spot.

Anyone else ever feel like a bleeding guppy in a large shark tank? And how was your Wednesday?


ChiTown Girl said...

Aw, my sweet Bloggy Buddy, I'm so sorry all this crap is happening right now. I hope everything works out at Punk's school tomorrow. Just stand your ground (ha! As if you need to be reminded!!) You are Punk's greatest advocate, so fight for her!!

Hey, maybe FCB could use a sharpie to write "Yuppyville Sucks!" across your forehead before the meeting. ;-)

Busy Bee Suz said...

I hate this for you and the Punk. I hope it gets straightened out soon and you can settle into normalville and find some nice friends.

tinkguy said...

The games they play. I hate the one in which they say something so ludicrous, you snort, then you realize-- they're not joking. They are "entitled" to cut you off on the highway. They can tell you know nothing about the coffee you've ordered at Starblechs. And, you know they're taking special note of your kid to be sure he/she won't accidentally become their kids' friend. Probably got a web site with mugshots of all the "wrong" kids. But, y'know, some of those players end up being a-ok, and I just got a wrong first impression.

Lindy said...

Hang in there, Sweetie. It has to get better. Wrap yourself in your bubble wrap & chant:

Lindy said...

You have to go read 'Go Trip Yourself'.

Feisty Irish Wench said...

I hope you are able to set the Stepfords straight and Punk gets the class she needs most, and not just another veggie patch.

And I'm SOO sorry honey, I'm barely dog-paddling with my nose at the water's surface over here. This pregnancy has done me in big time and all my nesting energy has been spent at work and not at home. Devildog got the girls' room done so Thumper can move in there, otherwise it would still remain untouched.

And Chi-girl...FCB lurves him some yuppyville, so he's not going to help rebel against the Stepfords one bit. It's right up his venti caramel macchiato alley.

wordverf: wattedat - as in "Wattedat moving into our neighborhood? Oh no! Call the HOA board, it's someone that doesn't belong here. They.MUST.leave." (Think the end of A Raisin In The Sun)