Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Wrong on so many levels.

So you would think by now I would have mastered my timing at going to the grocery store in Stepford. Certain times of day and you can avoid the crowds and do the shopping with ease and efficiency. I have not figured out those times.

Today I managed to share my shopping experience with the mostly dead, near dead, undead, a cat is going to eat my face soon after I am dead, "Jesus! How old are you, anyway!", and "You were really a childhood friend of Jesus? Cool!" There is a little bus that drops them off once a day for them to get their cat food and shit and then haul them back to the retirement home up the road.

Most of the time I go in the mid-afternoon. So do all of the rest of the Stepford wives and their heathen demon spawn. Overheard in the store, "Do you want another cookie, Tiffie?" (There is a one per customer limit on the free cookies. 'Tiffie' is also like 14 years old and looks like she wants the floor to swallow her up whole.) And of course, "Wellington Washington Jones IV, you get over here right NOW!" (The fact that this kid has 3 last names is not the issue. The fact is that 3 people ahead of him had the same fucking name and no mother had the sense to say, "WTF? I am SO NOT naming my kid that!") Welcome to Stepford. (They also point and stare at my kid because she will get dressed up in full Disney Princess costume and come to the store with me. She's 6. When else in your life are you going to be able to get away with going grocery shopping in a ballgown?)

Which leads me to the first display of WTFness and wrongness that I happened to spy in the store today on a lower shelf.

Look at that strategic straw placement! The brain trust who thought this up should be sporked. It is so wrong on so many levels. The placement of the straw, the seedy Drag Queenie aspect of it, and the fact that a child would actually have to SUCK LIQUID FROM THE UNFORTUNATELY PLACED STRAW!!!

Don't even get me started on that beverage being milk.

I'll give you a minute to compose.

Better? On we go!

This is the next version of HUH? that I have spotted in suburbia.
Just goes to prove that some people really are "Batshit Crazy!"
Y'all have a great day, now! Don't let your Tuesday be a Monday! (If it starts acting like a Monday, you have my permission to slap it hard enough to knock it into next Thursday.)


Jennifer said...

I laughed so hard my belly shook like Santa's. :-D
I could never get Madi a cup like that, I'd never stop laughing at it!

ChiTown Girl said...

You still got it, Sista!! But, that Bat Mobile photo should have been on your other blog. ;-)

Come on ever to my place, you have an award waiting for you :)

The Girl Next Door said...

Please tell me you got that cup in a porn shop??!!

Feisty Irish Wench said...

ChiTown Girl - both pictures ought to go on the Crazy Lady Blog. I misplaced my snark in 'Snick's nap of the month.

TGND - it was in Publix. They sell those bag clips. It's the closest grockery store in Stepford, and a nice store to shop in, unless it's over by my old house. The one by my new house rocks some awesomesauce though.