Wednesday, July 29, 2009

What's Up Wednesday Late Edition

So here is your WUW late style. Been busting my ass, busier than a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs trying to impersonate a one legged man in an ass kicking contest.

And is that isn't busy, I don't know what is.

So a couple of random things, a little update, and this WUW is underway and done.

I read today that Coca-Cola is coming out with a carbonated milk drink. I said it a couple of years ago...thought it would be an interesting idea...someone somewhere STOLE my idea and went ahead and did it. Not that I would have had the first idea on how to carbonate milk or have the funds to mass market it, but you get my whole "petulant indignation" attitude, anyway. So there.

What is up with people putting that memorial shit all over their rear windows on their vehicle? I don't get it? Nothing says love and remembrance like "immortalizing Uncle Bob on the tints of my bitchin' civic." Just seems lame to me. Maybe it's just me.

The house is coming along. I debated putting up pics to show what we have been doing but I thing a before/after montage when it is all said and done will have more of an impact. Kinda like, "Holy fucking Jesus H. Christ Jumped Up On A Waffle Iron that is a nasty-assed house!" to "Oh sweet Mary And Joseph Riding Side Saddle On A Unicycle that is an AWESOME house!!"

Needless to say the painting continues. I am still fixing the TERRIBLE JOB THAT KEVIN EDWARDS DID ON MY HOUSE! I say that in all caps because I am inventing all kinds of new swear words while I am fixing his MANY mistakes. I am saving them up though because they are doozies and sound really funny when they come out of my 5 year old's mouth. I can also make that statement and it isn't libelous or slanderous or whatever because he really did do a completely shittacular job on my house. And while I appreciate him hitting on me (cuz it was flattering in a way) I would rather fuck a porcupine sideways than help him cheat on his girlfriend.

In other news, Punk was messing with one of the new "Energy Efficient" light bulbs and broke it. In the process she cut her finger. She bled all over my new floors for 5 minutes before she thought it was a good idea to bring the injury to our attention. We immediately put her finger under running cold water to stop the bleeding and clean the wound when she starts freaking out and screams, "I don't want to put my finger in the water! What if I bleed out?!?"

Two things. She watches waaaaayyyy to much TV to know the term "bleed out" and the new floors would argue with her that she had already done so all over them. (Because if my floors can bring me to floorgasm on a daily basis, they can argue the degree of "bleeding out" that my child is doing. They are just such badass cool floors that way!)

So that was my Wed-Nes-Day. I realize that by the time you read this it is going to be Thursday, but hey...they both end in Y so I am all forgiven for getting this out late, right? Right? Helllllllooooooo????


Busy Bee Suz said...

YOU crack me up. Start to finish, I was laughing.
Bleed out? The child is going to need her own stage, and SOON!!

Chantelle said...

I hope you're nearing the at least halfway mark on finishing the house? Eek!!

Check Punk good-- that is why I HATE the energy efficient light bulbs. Did you know that you are actually supposed to treat the waste like a biohazard-wrapped in a plastic bag and all? Totally not joking- and if they break on carpet, some places say you're supposed to actually CUT the carpet out of the house. They have really high levels (I think of mercury) in them. We have them here too, I just hope one of my kids never breaks them because I don't think the landlord would appreciate me slicing up her carpet ;)

tinkguy said...

Re: In Memoriam Car Decor:

Mine says: My uncle died and all he left me was this lousy bumper sticker.