Thursday, October 23, 2008

Penises should not be allowed to drive.

I'll leave it to you to mentally picture how they even held the pencil to do the written portion of the driving test.

Just because I drive a mini-van, does not mean I WANT to drive the speed limit everywhere I go and I have your upmost safety in the forefront of my mind. I have good insurance and airbags. Get the fuck out of the way!

If you are unable to see over the steering wheel any longer because age has shrunk you to the size of a smurf with a stunted growth problem....get the fuck off the road!

If your brain and your inability to stop wasting every one else's oxygen prevent you from screaming the correct homophobic slur at me while driving next to me? Get a life, get a therapist...get the fuck off the planet!

But above all, you twatwaffle, educate yourself on the fact that I lack the equipment to be a fag. Being a female, I would be called a lesbo, a dyke, or your wildest, wet dream that will never happen. But I am not a fag.

(Actually...I would classify myself as tri-sexual...but that is another post or possibly a whole 'nother blog all together. Anyway...)

I shall explain the reasoning for this assbiscuit's decision to hate all over me this afternoon. (Other than the fact that he just needs to be thrown back into the gene pool that spawned him and drowned.) You see...I like color. Lots of color. Rainbow anything just simply rocks. Thus my mini-van is bedecked in lots of rainbow colored accessories. While I realize that my choice of decoration is also the color scheme of Gay/Lesbian/Bi-sexual/Trans-sexual/Trans-gendered/sorry if I left anything doesn't mean I am automatically a carpet munching, card carrying member of the Gay Nation. Not that there is anything wrong with that.

But above all, people should know a person, personally, before judging. Shouting homophobic slurs then trying to "scare me straight" by running me over with your obviously overly endorsing Republican Jeep Cherokee (there was hardly an uncovered inch on the back of that car) is just as narrow-minded, stupid and lame as you are.

This is what my mini-van is decorated with.

There is also a rainbow lei hanging from the rear view, but blogger is having some sort of bitchy-fit right now and it won't let me upload the picture. So I'll have to try to add it later. Edit: It's later and there is the picture. Yay!

As far as the whole judging thing goes? Get to know a person before you get all judgy all over them. One of my best friends is a married, devout Catholic. Another one is an Atheist lesbian. The third best friend is a unique creature that hops from one religion to another faster than the Easter Bunny on speed. She is married, but has "played for the other team." We are friends because we don't judge....or at least not to each other's faces.

So the lesson to be learned from today's post? If you have issues (or in the fucktard's case above, whole damn subscriptions) don't get on the road and try to express them through your penile driving skills. If you can't see over the steering wheel, Mrs. Daisy, it's time to get a driver or start riding the bus. And finally, if the posted speed limit sign is 45 mph, please don't block me in next to a trucker and set your cruise control to 40 mph while driving in front of me. It REALLY PISSES ME OFF!

Finally, the best part of the whole outing today was when I sped past a state trooper doing 80-85 mph in a posted 65 zone and the trooper flashed on his lights and pulled out to chase down....
the dumbass who slowed down and got pulled over because the trooper could actually catch him...BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!



BusyBee Suz said...

Road rage???? Sorry.
I can't stand bad drivers, they are everywhere. I loathe small minded people even more. The world would be a much better place if everyone was openminded.
I heart rainbows and gay people.
Your minivan rocks.

Lindy said...

I love your decorations. Poop on the dumb drivers that just don't get that there are people on the road who need to get somewhere.

tysgirl said...

I loves me some rainbows. Unfortunately, I also like my car to not be vandalized. Since I live in the capitol of narrow minded-ness...I have to loves me my rainbows in private.

I hate narrow minded people...bunch of stupid fucks.

ChiTown Girl said...

"Twatwaffle" "assbiscuit" and "fucktard" are now my ew favorite words!! I'll be trying to use them in every sentence for the rest of this weekend!

ChiTown Girl said...

Apparently, I'M a fucktard since that was supposed to be "new" not ew!

Feisty Irish Wench said...

Oh for the love of all things, I'm not devout, just a little more than quasi-practicing. Geesh, ya take measures to keep the hellraiser tendencies in check and a girl gets labeled "devout". If I were all that devout, I wouldn't have married a Baptist Gator fan. I would've found me a nice Catholic Seminole fan and we'd be all tomahawk-chopping together. Nope, I like a little controversy to keep things interesting. It's the Aquarian way. YOU should know that.

Feisty Irish Wench said...

PS: I'm with ChiTown...Twatwaffle is a new one worth repeating.
However- Assbiscuit just sounds like some gay man's after-sex snack.