Tuesday, November 4, 2008

How can I be so happy and so pouty at the same time?

I went to the hearing screening at my daughter's school today. I was supposed to take over for the guy that ran it last year, as he was leaving due to his 5th grader graduating. I was prepared to be all responsible and shit and run the thing and organize volunteers. I knew the time was nearing for all this to happen and found out last week when I was volunteering for pictures that someone else had been recruited for the job. Huh? Oh, and the perky lady in the office wanted to know if I wanted to volunteer. Volunteer? I was supposed to run it all, I lamented to the chick. She looked at me like I just asked her if I could chew on her face for a snack. You know the look, disgusted and surprised all at the same time? Yeah that one. With just a hint of contempt and disdain. Come to think of it, at the moment, I really could have started gnawing her face off. I was pissed. Irked. Oddly rejected. How dare the PTB* AND the PTA* overlook me when I was willing to be so generous with my time and lack of talent at organizing and running things? Ungrateful snooty, uppity...gnaw, gnaw gnaw....

I got there late today to volunteer. Subconsciously delaying so that maybe when I got there they wouldn't need me and I could come home and sleep. The lady who was running it was pleased to see me and showed me where to go and started talking to me about what to do. I told her I knew what to do and could probably train everyone else. She shot me a dirty look. I noticed there were alcohol wipes at every station. Well at least someone listened to me. Little unknown fact about kids...they have dirty ears. And also as I found out today...apparently glittery ears as well. I swear at least every other girl came in with glitter all over her. But I digress.

Having recovered from the twitching that the dirty look caused me, I started testing the kiddies. Since I was there last year for hearing screening, and for pictures, and vision screening, and because I am who I am, look how I look, and have the added benefit of having the name "Oh look! It's Punk's Mommy!" I was recognized by many children and was the recipient of many squishy, kiddie hugs. I love those. Nothing cures what ails ya better than a hug or two or 50 from a 5 or 6 year old. That made my day. It so made up for the fact that I was overlooked, yet again, from those snooty, uppity, SUV driving, perfectly coiffed, perfectly done up, grown up cheerleaders that used to pick of the fat kid or hate on the girl that got boobs before anyone else....eh-hem. Where was I? What issues? I don't have issues! Much. Sometimes. OK, let's just call 'em subscriptions and move along. Anyway.

After the "event" was over, and I was trying to socialize with the other volunteers, I found out that the lady that was running it all today wasn't even from our school. She was from the neighboring elementary school and had brought 3 friends with her. Me and one other mom were the only ones with children attending that school. WTF?? The others were all contacted by "friends of the PTA" because of the "parental lack of support" that supposedly goes on at our school. I stated that the only reason I hadn't been to a PTA meeting was the lack of a babysitter. The other mom chimed in that I should just bring my daughter to the next meeting. (Insert mental, evil, maniacal laugh with hand wringing and plotting for the undoing of the whole damn meeting, here.) Bring MY child? Get anything accomplished with her in tow? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just wait, you washed out cheerleaders...I shall unleash the power that is my child. Beware ADD Girl! She is the master of distraction and being distracted. Add to that her mother's phenomenal powers of chronic tardiness and general obnoxiousness and you will never accomplish anything at a PTA meeting again!! HEHEHEHAHAHAHOHOHO....A-hem.

So to summarize...Cheerleaders bad, PTA evil...poor pitiful me for being overlooked yet again, (some of them are probably still chafing at the flirting with the photo guy and my mysterious 3 hour disappearance...) lots of squishy hugs from dirty and glittery eared kids, and I come home to find out there is some sort of presidential election going on and there is nothing good on TV. Who knew? Plus, the ultimate let down...I now have the least amount of blog followers of all the peoples blogs I follow, you follow? I feel oddly loved yet unloved. Happy and pouty. Oh well. I can cheer myself up by drowning myself in my child's Halloween stash, and then walk it all off in the next 4 days.**

So what are you going to do now Persnickety? I'm going to Disney World!!!

*PTB=Powers That Be. PTA=Parent Teacher Association. These two entities should never be allowed to join forces, because total chaos erupts.

**I don't actually walk Disney. I do it in style in a rented Disney Fart Cart. Easier to mow down stooopid people and it gets me on the rides faster than the Fast Pass folks.


ChiTown Girl said...

As always, you had me laughing OUT LOUD while reading this post! You are so freakin' funny! And, I TOTALLY agree with you about the power of "many squishy, kiddie hugs." It's the only thing that gets me to work sometimes :)

Feisty Irish Wench said...

smushy hugging lil kids are fun like that. I get "hey, you're clone's mom!" to which I respond "Hey, you're clone's friend!" and that cracks them up immensely.

tysgirl said...

You should throw water on the bitches and see if they melt!

BusyBeeSuz said...

The entire post had me in stitches. Seriously funny.
Confession...I was on the PTA for several years. I hated it. I always ended up doing so much stuff and no one ever volunteered to help. I finally quit and never regretted it. Hey, I drive an SUV, I am blonde, but NEVER, NEVER a cheerleader. :)
You are a funny girl.
have a great day!!!
Oh, and I have less followers than you...and I do follow you I just do it annonymously...I like to be secretive. Like James Bond. :)

tinkguy said...

Hmm. My boy (who gives great hugs) is in the shower. May I should rush in and clean his ears.

Did someone say Disney Word!?!

The Girl Next Door said...

This is hilarious except in it's sadness. I used to try to volunteer with the PTA - the one claiming they didn't have enough? but they were so damned clicky who could break the barrier? F'em I say.

OH and I'm back on line tonight - not yet, just fixin some things. But please come by and see what an earful I have for F'tard!

Big Mama said...

LOL!!! Great post! I actually remember those horrible people from my teen-hood! LOL!!!