Monday, July 7, 2008

Build a Man! Now open in your local mall!

Just like Build-A-Bear, but with out all the annoying stuffing and fru-fru outfits!

After a clandestine lunch with my one and only ex-husband today, I realized that there was an aspect of him that I adored. He would give me the shirt off his back without even blinking. He would give me the shirts off of strangers' backs if he thought he could get away with it...without a severe beating. He was showing off his I-Phone...I was admiring it...(then I found his porn stash while playing with it and quickly handed it back.) He got that glisten in his eye and asked me if I wanted one, cause he could put me on his plan. Ugh. Taking advantage of him is way too easy. I politely declined. Temptation is such a heartless bitch.

I then asked him what happened to all my stuff that he got when we parted ways over 5 years ago. He says he still has it. All of it. Boxes and boxes of my stuff, just piled up in his bedroom. IN HIS BEDROOM. This room is one of the smallest rooms in his house that he shares with his brother. He kept everything. In case I came back for it one day. I am not sure if that is extremely sweet or incredibly creepy. Ooh. Goosebumps. Nope...still not sure.

So basically what that means is the set of dishes I have been eyeing to replace FCB's dishes but can't afford right now, is a completely moot point. I can have MY dishes back. And my Oneida silverware. Plus my Jr. High yearbooks. Damn skippy. It's going to be like going to a garage sale of all the stuff I ever got rid of in my life. Cooooool. And FREEEEE!!! (cause I already and still own it and all....)

So back to the Build-A-Man...sorry for the ADD moment there...bear(pun intended) with me. I want my Ex-husbands generosity and willingness to spoil me, FCB's financial resourcefulness and willingness to support me, Bacardi's warm and cuddly libido and desire for me as the gooey center, and wrapped in a nice little Hugh Grant (including accent) package. Ahhh....the perfect Build-A-Man.

Oh, and I got an email today that told me I won the UK lottery!! Yay.

To top off this day, I had to do an obscene amount of running around this afternoon. Errands, therapy, FCB's "I forgot my glasses can you bring them to me?" I'm beat. I still also have a double ear infection. I now know what Nemo felt like. Everything sounds like I have a ginormous fish bowl full of water surrounding my head. I am sitting back, finally home and turn on the TV so Punk can watch Sponge Bob. And there he is in all his glory wearing a french maid uniform. A backless french maid uniform. I think my sphincter just curled. (I have no idea if this is possible. I'm cranky. Go with it.)

Oh and therapy? My daughter was good today in school. Polite with pleases and may I's all over the place when I picked her up. We get to therapy and she proceeds to turn into demon child faster that Sybil can say "Who?" I should just start telling the therapist to wear AstroTurf panties in preparation for my daughter walking all over her ass. She let is happen once, and my child has a very long memory for things like this and is loathe to let some people forget it. Now the Punk is reading quietly to herself in her room. Go figure.

Tomorrow should be more sedate. Of course I say that now and something akin to a Broadway production will more than likely step-ball-change through my life. Oh well. I am off to enjoy the quiet while it lasts...while dreaming of my Build-A-Man.

1 comment:

Meuse said...

oooooooo bay-beeee i found the perfect man for you today...minus the hugh grant accent. (although knowing my luck, he's probably gay) he was tall, but not overbearing, dark hair and eyes that sparkle, and he was built and tone... even made ME drool. hes a massage therepist mm mmmmmm i coulda licked him up and down and never thought about boobies even....