Tuesday, July 8, 2008

I popped her clearance cherry!

My best friend called me up this morning and told me we were going shopping. HUH? She hates shopping...loathes it even. I asked her why she was going shopping and what reason she had for enlisting me in this endeavor. She said she needed new jeans and it was either take her mom or take me. She opted for the more entertaining, less naggy individual. Yay me.

Off to the mall we go. Yes, the mall. I started joking with her that maybe Tiffany would be playing a concert in the food court. If we got really lucky, maybe it would be a double header with Debbie Gibson. After embarrassingly dating ourselves, we devolved into bashing celebrities for how old looking they are all getting. Self-esteem boosting sessions are so fun with her.

We headed into JC Penney where she starts ravaging the men's jeans display looking for her size. She likes the way they fit her better than women's. Don't judge. I spent the whole time trying to convert her to come join me and worship at the church of the almighty Croc. Being a bar back and a massage therapist student, she is going to potentially be spending the rest of her life on her feet.

Life Lesson: Be kind to your feet. Love them even. You only get the one pair and being the daughter of a woman who has spent the better part of 40 years on her feet as a hairdresser, I can tell you from firsthand knowledge that the more you pamper your feet, the more they love you for it later in life. Shoes that are the right fit and comfort level are KEY!

So I hauled her halfway across the mall in search of the Croc kiosk. She indulged me. Once we got there and she tried a pair on, she informed me that there wasn't enough arch support. Damn. Lost a convert before she even got a chance to join up. So on the way back out of the mall, we stopped into a shoe store that looked like it had a nice selection of orthopedic money pits. I could tell just by the way the shoes were set up that the median price had to be at least $100 or more. They offered to do some sort of free digital scan of her feet. It was all cute and colorful. (She has small feet.) She looked at a few pairs and tried on a pair of sneakers. She then melted into a puddle. Apparently she just experienced a shoegasm. The first of her life it seemed.

She told the salesman she would take them. Then she looked at the price and turned whiter than my ass (which is practically physiologically impossible.) She got that scared look on her face like she just signed up for more than she bargained for over a quick and unexpected shoegasm. The manager was standing at the register when the salesman brought up the box for the shoes. I asked her how negotiable she was on the price of the shoes. Best friend gave me a puzzled look like I had just asked the woman how many Oompa Loompas she had blown that day.

I was reading in the news how malls all over the country are struggling in today's economy. I figured it was worth a shot to see if I could score a deal for the best friend. Everybody's got rent to pay. A discounted sale is better than no sale.

The manager eyed the best friend up and down and asked if she was still in the military. (Best friend was puzzled at how this stranger knew this. I didn't have the heart to tell her that once you join up, they tattoo a bar code across your forehead that is visible to everyone else but her. Poor girl.) Best friend told the manager that she was no longer active...I saw the discount slipping away quickly. I spoke up and mentioned that she was, however, a student. Manager granted a 10% discount. Woo and Hoo. Sales guy rung up the purchase and it came up less than half price. Seems it was the last pair and rang up as the "floor model." SCORE!!!

Best friend was so excited she asked if I wanted to celebrate by going to lunch...which of course I never deny anyone that wants to buy me lunch. Once we were at the restaurant she asked me why she felt so giddy and warm and fuzzy. I laughed at her and told her she was experiencing a shopping high. She feared for her rep and got a little worried about "going all girly" to which I assured her would not happen. We then toasted popping her clearance cherry with a couple of fru-fru pina coladas. Cheers!


The Girl Next Door said...

A shoegasm! Snort! I love it. Now I know my main affliction. Great awesome story. You rock as a shopper, clearly. A hidden talent.

Meuse said...

the diva of discount, the clearance-cherry-popper, the pocket-book protector... and the herp i dont mind having as a best friend. i luv ya! and oh yeah, the shoes worked great tonight, i gave an awsome full body massage tonight in class. plus people got jealous of my new shoes. oh... dad reluctantly loves his new free shoe-horn. hahahahahaha (mom made him say thank you)

suz said...

Oh my gosh..this is SO funny.
You are too silly.
I have had people try to convert me to the crocs too...I have had to tell them I think they are very unattractive shoes. (shoe snob I am) But after being told that they are heaven for your feet, I did try them. They dont have enough arch support for me too.
I also have to shop at the very expensive shoe store. next time, you must come with me and get me a darn discount.

Feisty Irish Wench said...

Ohh, the shoes! The discounts! I can run with the clearance dogs, so do not tell me to stay on the porch! I've trained my husband over the years, and I'm getting a new kitchen for mere pennies + sweat equity.
I personally wear Brooks shoes for work. Very supportive and NOT cheap. Which reminds me, I need to go explore the current pair's replacements.

I will however, gladly take you with me to aid my shopping adventures. It is quite entertaining at the very least (we Aquarians are like that after all). Plus you don't run off with my shopping cart like my kids do.

tysgirl said...

I'd rather eat broken glass than shop.

As for crocs, I have a pair that I wear as house shoes. They also double as water shoes when I take the dogs swimming. They are insanely comfortable, but oh so ugly and not meant for public viewing....unless your 5