Snarkivore

Yep, that's me. I eat snark for breakfast like some people eat Wheaties. Well, not Wheaties...because, lets be honest here, when presented with the choices, most of us are scarfing down a bowl of Fruit Loops, Lucky Charms or Captain Crunch. You know you do.

Don't lie.

Anyway. I need people to regularly feed my snark. Since I have been all absent from life as we know it and contagious to boot, my funny has been all starving to death from lack of regular doses of snark to snack on.

Oh there are those that recognize the bitchiness that randomly happens to me and flood my inbox with toons and jokes, but only because that can be sent electronically and they don't actually have to be present for me to chew their heads off. (I will say that since I don't get regular periods--I know, over sharing, but stick with me--I rely on other women to allow me to sync up with their normal cycle of PMS. It gives me the excuse when someone asked what crawled up my ass and died to tell them that Feisty, Meuse, Older Sister and *I* are having our monthly. Cuz we had actually all synced up to withing a week. Now Feisty is preggo, Meuse is moving out of town and OS is still wonky from the new baby. I am so confused I am just randomly mean every other day and have been gnawing on FCB's last nerve for a about a week now.)

I think I just need a little action. Anyone got a spare pool boy in a thong or a shirtless gardener they can throw my way? It would help loads. Kthnx.

So without further ado, I will share some shared funny with you. The first is a cartoon by Brian Crane. It came with the title "Pickles" and Feisty sent it to me. I giggled endlessly because it describes me to a T. I am both persnickety and scurrilous. (Click to make it larger if you are blind like me.)

The second was sent by Meuse. Just one of those emails FWDs that everyone usually deletes, but it made me laugh til I shot coffee out my nose, but more importantly, made me want to blog it all immediately. I am just a giver that way. Enjoy.

THE SPOILED UNDER-30 CROWD!!!

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning....Uphill...barefoot...BOTH ways!! Yadda, yadda, yadda...

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up,there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!

But...now that I'm over the ripe old age of thirty...I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia!

And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don't know how good you've got it! I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves! In the card catalogue!! There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter, with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there! Stamps were 10 cents!

Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents spanked us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission! No where was safe!

There were no MP3' s or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up! There were no CD players! We had tape decks in our car. We'd play our favorite tape and "eject" it when finished and the tape would come undone.

Cause that's how we rolled dig?

We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal. That's it! And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your mom, your school, your boss, your bookie, a collections agent, you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, Mister!

We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders' and 'Asteroids'. Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen...FOREVER! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get up and walk over to the TV to change the channel! There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying!? We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons!

And we didn't have microwaves. If we wanted to heat something up we had to use the stove. Imagine that!

That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled. You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980 or before!

Regards,The over 30 Crowd