Friday, September 12, 2008

My blank stare is broken and other updates.

Busy, busy, busy here. Well....not really. Actually I have been sleeping like 18-20 hours a day. I am guessing my body needs it or I am severely lacking in potassium or I have mono or some African Sleeping Sickness or something and I swear I am not a hypochondriac I really just have a shitty immune system and I am going to get so bitch slapped by my 9th grade English teacher for this run on sentence and I am going to end it now.

So a few things have happened in the last week, (and no, one of those things was not a throw down with Limpy while the NA/AA meeting looked on while holding their cups of coffee) one of which was my daughter missing her first week of school with her new teacher because of a really bad cold. Yes, you read that right, her new teacher. (Doing a happy dance!!!) Her regular teacher, who we have had lots of problems with, has been overwhelmed with new 3 year old students and has passed her four 4 year olds onto the kindergarten teacher next door. So now my baby is in kindergarten. Yay! She is even going to get homework! I went to the open house tonight and all but hugged the woman because she laid out how she teaches and said she doesn't take no "guff." And since you all know by reading my previous posts that my daughter is all about "the guff" and can give it with a vengeance, and I think these two are going to meet their match in an all out and out showdown of who is going to "break" first. Should be interesting. Maybe I should sell tickets...

The second thing that has been occupying my time this week (other than the sleep) is my impending garage sale on Saturday and Sunday. Getting rid of everything that isn't tied down. Partly because I need some money, and partly because we are thinking about getting the hell outta Dodge...or well, at least the neighborhood. Which brings me to my third reason. On Wednesday morning at 12:30am, there was a knock on my door followed by a ringing of my doorbell. Middle of the F*ing night. WTF. Turns out it is some Hispanic chick that wanted me to spot her $17 while blowing smoke into my house all the while giving me some sob story about a sick kid and her needing to get a script from Walgreen's and could I just give her some cash and didn't I recognize her from the neighborhood (NO) and what about that guy that mows the lawn, my husband? (Not married and have a lawn service) Is he home and he would surely recognize which point I thought she was either a junkie needing a fix, or a crazy bitch who was picking on me cuz my lights were on or I was being punked, and Ashton was about to jump out of the bushes and tell me that Demi was an ugly skinny bitch and he was there to rescue me and sweep me off my feet....

Where was I? Oh I decided on the "junkie" option and stated loudly (in case there were any friends of hers lingering in the dark) that I didn't have any cash on me nor did I keep any in the house. (Which is actually the truth unless you count the penny jar.) Promptly shut the door and contemplated calling the cops. Definitely contemplated moving the hell out...

Which leads us back to the garage sale and the reason for the title of the post. I went to Home Depot after Open House at school tonight and walked a ways through the store with a blank stare on my face waiting for someone in a little orange apron to pop up an assist me like they usually do. No such luck. It was 8:30 and they close at 9:00 so I figured that everyone was busy cleaning up and getting ready to shut down for the evening. Well I found the first thing I was looking for. But managed to wander around quite a while before even locating the second thing. Only reason I managed to do that was I spotted some people in the aisle holding up some yard signs and knew that was were I needed to be.

I couldn't find exactly what I was looking for so I figured for giggles I would call Feisty and let her know my blank stare must be busted. She would get a kick out of it. Plus she had called me earlier when I was sleeping and I ignored the call. Not because I normally ignore my friends, but because it seems like lately my phone has been overwhelmed with telemarketing calls. It must be mating season or spawning season or something cuz those fuckers just don't quit! And I am on the Do Not Call List which makes it all even more aggravating. (Too bad there isn't a hunting season.) Anyway, I eventually found exactly what I needed, and made my way home.

Where I had a message waiting for me to return a phone call. Seems my long lost best friend was having a at work. Well...not all that bad cause she didn't end up putting a beat-down on her boss and thus going to jail in her one stoplight town. But she was really upset and needed some counseling. Yup, that's me. Dr. Phil but with more hair, better personality and way better advice. Speaking of advice, and even though I am not by any means the grammar, spelling or syntax police, but I have noticed lately a swarm of blogs using the word "advise" instead of "advice." Both are the right spelling but have two completely different meanings...just a peeve...needed to vent. Thanks.

So that is what is going on in my hectic sleepy life. Thrilling no? So I'm off to organize garage sale stuff and do a Google search on how to fix a blank stare to make it work more effectively.

(Upon proofing this post I noticed that I used the terms "throw down," "show down," and "beat down." Guess that makes this a theme post. Heh.)


Suz said...

You are too funny.
The chick was looking for drug money. Move.
Good luck w/ the garage sale, you will need back-up help. People always try to steal at garage sales. Maybe you can give someone a beat down, a show down or send them down town. :0
that is my "advise".
Sure that made you smile.

Big Mama said...

LOL!!! I could TOTALLY relate to this whole post! Good luck with the yard sale!

Feisty Irish Wench said...

Well your blank stare was broken because from 8:30 to 8:55, the orange aprons become chameleons and hide somewhere. I know this because I went to the Orange Store closest to my house (not the one Mr Feisty works at) with my sister during kitchen renovations...and for the life of me, we spent 30 minutes looking for shims and/or an orange apron wearing goon to help me locate them. Suddenly at the first announcement of the evening that the store was closing, there were swarms of orange aprons as if the kitchen light was just turned off or something. I guess it's a good thing the frustration was offset by the fun we had playing with the toys in the store.

limpy99 said...

I'll bet that chick shows up again and haggles during the yard sale.