Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Trojan Spider

So late last night I stumbled into the bathroom to take care of business, and upon lighting the room and sitting down I saw a large brown spider sitting in the middle of the floor on the carpet in my room. It was about the size of a silver dollar. It was big enough that I was a little afraid for the Punk's safety because she likes to do almost everything, including sleeping sometimes, on the floor. I figured I would have to kill it. Trust me when I say this goes against everything I believe in. I was brought up to believe in the superstition that it is bad luck to kill a spider in your home. And I like spiders. I think they are fascinating little creatures.

This large brown spider, however, wasn't that interesting. Plus it was just sitting there in the middle of the floor...curiously un-stepped on as I surely passed it in the dark. So I grabbed the nearest, largest object I could find, my daughter's potty picture book. (She reads while she DOESN'T use the potty.) I threw the book at the spider (hehehe, I just made myself laugh there...I need more coffee...it's too damn early) and the book bounced off of it like it was some sort of mutant super spider with rubberized mutant powers. (The carpet is springy and my aim sucks in the middle of the night.)

Low and behold, once the book had bounced off her, she made a mad dash straight towards me. Not being all girly and squeamish I just watched in stunned horror as she moved and underneath her was about 100 of her little babies. They all scrambled like junkies during a police raid, madly dashing in every direction. (Not that I have been watching too much Cops, lately or anything.) Grabbing another book, I slammed it on the momma as I leaped (and leaked) into action, hitting the floor and frantically trying to make sure I killed the little babies. All with the potential to grow up to be as big or bigger than their mom. Then, when I was satisfied that I had completely changed the color of my carpet to baby spider carcass brown, I attended to the book under which the hopefully squished Trojan Spider was currently oozing. I lifted the book, and damn skippy iffn 20 more little buggers didn't crawl out from under there. Squish, squish, squish. Using a wad of TP, I cleaned up the brown oozy crime scene all the while shaking my head at what had definitely turned out as the strangest late night encounter with a spider I had ever had in my life.

Of course a shower ensued, because there was no way I was going to bed with any possibility of spider ooze anywhere on my person. But even after the shower, I still had the creepy crawlies all night. One word...

EEEEEAAAAAAHHHHAAAAAEEEEEWWWWWWW!!!!

8 comments:

tysgirl said...

These are the posts nightmares are made of.

I've never seen baby spiders hiding under the mom. However, I did step on a spider once and her belly exploded with unborn babies, hundreds of them.

The Q said...

Ok between your post and Tysgirl's comment I just dry heaved so hard that I almost peed myself.

Thanks. Thanks so much.

My biggest phobia = spiders.

insanelybusymomma said...

ROFLMAO Sorry for what sounds like a lack sympathy/compassion but it drew a vivid mental picture that is just hilarious. Sorry about the crime scene in your bedroom floor though, I hate it when that happens.

GAH I'm glad I have a fella around for just these kinda things.

Feisty Irish Wench said...

ick, I just puked in my mouth at the additional descriptions. I recall one time when I was about 7, a spider that was more legs than body was in the bathroom at my parents' house. This was in the middle of the night when I HAD to get up to pee, otherwise I would've stayed in my bed. I was so paralyzed with fear that I screamed for my dad to help me for what seemed like 5 minutes. Poor man, I awoke him from a sound slumber I'm certain, so he could simply CHASE the spider out of my sight versus any arachnicide. Of course, I also envision their plotting the attack while under the Trojan Spider..."you take the left flank, you follow the right, and I'll take these guys with me towards the bathroom"

Suzanne said...

Oh gross. I have nightmares like that...I don't like spiders at all. I would rather have a snake...oh, we do. :)
Spiders are from satan. ;)

tinkguy said...

Smacked a big cockroach. I picked it up in a paper towel, and squeezed it in my right hand. Y'know, to make sure it was dead. I squirted roach guts all over my left hand.

Then I thought of your blog entry.

Persnickety Ticker said...

Aww...roach guts make you think of me...how touching.

I'm pretty sure you meant that in a positive way, Tinkguy. I hope.

HappyWifeHappyLife said...

Hi Leigh - how are you? New commenter on your blog here... have to say this post had me laughing out loud literally! Yeah, I've seen this happen with the baby spiders on the momma's back. It's the stuff of nightmares. And I love "Charlotte's Web" as much as the next person, but there is NO WAY I'm letting ANY of those things stay alive in my house! (Plus my son got bit by a brown recluse when he was in kindergarten... I need to blog about that sometime....)

Anyway, sounds like what you had in there was a Wolf Spider.... I actually ran into a CRAZY LADY down in Tybee Island that kept those things as PETS (no joke). I blogged about it early in August. She was a little on the "nuts" side, you could say.... :-)

Great blog! :-)

-HWHL